I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
