toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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