Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
