am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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