We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
