the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
