he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
