Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
