just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
