Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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