I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
