6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
