so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
