first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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