Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
