Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
