i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
