i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
