o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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