So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
