Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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