He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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