are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pants are for mortals
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
