i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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