Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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