So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
