I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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