nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
