I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
