My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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