a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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