dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
