: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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