Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
