also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
