I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
