i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
