I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
