This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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