well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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