drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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