where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
