a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
