One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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