the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
