I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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