somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
