This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
