I heard we made out
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
