HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
