does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
