Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
